Vatican meeting examines why young people are reluctant to marry
Bishops’ conference leaders from around the world are meeting at the Vatican to examine why fewer young people are choosing marriage, marking the 10th anniversary of Amoris Laetitia. Archbishop Timothy Costelloe said changing attitudes toward sexuality, family breakdown, domestic violence, and damaged trust in Church leaders can make Christian marriage harder for young people to embrace. Costelloe urged parishes, schools, and marriage-preparation programs to support young people and make examples of stable marriages more visible. Cardinal Kevin Farrell noted that civil and Church marriage rates are declining worldwide, and said participants will consider whether the causes differ across countries.
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At a Vatican gathering marking the 10th anniversary of Amoris Laetitia, bishops and other participants discussed why fewer young people are marrying, including in the Catholic Church. They cited changing views of sexuality and commitment, painful family experiences, economic insecurity and a broader decline in marriage that is now evident across regions. 2 4 1
Archbishop Timothy Costelloe of Australia said many young people do not share the Church’s understanding of the links between sexuality, procreation and Christian marriage. He pointed to social media, entertainment, peers and online influencers as forces that often emphasize personal fulfillment, autonomy and immediate happiness over permanence and sacrifice. 2 3
Costelloe also noted that broken marriages, domestic violence, gender inequality and misconduct by Church leaders can shape young people’s views. Widespread divorce and failed relationships, he said, have led some to question whether lifelong commitment is possible or desirable. 2 3
Auxiliary Bishop Stephen Fernandes of Bombay urged Church leaders to ask what young people seek in love, freedom, dignity and their future, rather than treating reluctance to marry simply as rejection of marriage. He said a culture of immediacy and constant choice can conflict with the patience, forgiveness and perseverance marriage requires. 2 3
Fernandes cited insecure employment, housing costs, migration and social instability as obstacles to marriage. He said postponing marriage may reflect doubts about whether a stable life together is attainable, rather than an abandonment of lasting love. 2 3
The meeting also focused on couples who live together outside marriage. Fernandes called for listening to their experiences and discerning their circumstances, rather than responding with either indifference or condemnation; he said some such relationships include genuine love and commitment, while not necessarily being ready for a lifelong marital covenant. 4
Charmaine and Eren Lyle Villegas, a married Filipino couple serving as missionaries in Rome, said some young people in the Philippines postpone marriage to establish careers or meet financial needs. They described their approach to couples as offering a lived example of Christian marriage rather than imposing their beliefs. 4
Cardinal Kevin Farrell, prefect of the Dicastery for the Laity, the Family, and Life, said marriage rates are falling worldwide for both civil and Church weddings, while noting that the reasons may differ by place. He also described parents’ concern for children who experience loneliness or hesitate to make lasting commitments. 2 4
A separate report from the gathering described declining marriage and fertility rates in countries including the Philippines, Poland, Argentina and South Africa. It also cited sharp declines in marriage in Poland and South Africa, alongside later marriage and increasing births outside marriage in South Africa. 1
Participants and experts said the decline is no longer confined to Western countries. Cardinal Filipe Neri Ferrão of Goa described major changes in Asian family life, including growing cohabitation in urban settings; researcher Mark Regnerus said Western cultural models of marriage are spreading internationally, while Father Paul Sullins characterized family change as a feature of modernity more broadly. 1
Costelloe urged parishes and dioceses to make stable married couples more visible, including through marriage preparation and Catholic schools. He also called for presenting Church teaching on marital intimacy as a positive ideal, rather than chiefly as rules and prohibitions. 2 4
Fernandes emphasized forming young people in virtues such as fidelity, responsibility, forgiveness and perseverance, as well as practical skills for communication and resolving conflict. He urged the Church to present marriage as a vocation grounded in freedom, fidelity and mutual self-giving. 3 4
Cardinal Oswald Gracias of India called for more marriage preparation, support in the early years of marriage and assistance for couples facing difficulties. He also described a model in which experienced families accompany younger couples. 1
The Oct. 7–14 meeting brought together presidents of bishops’ conferences and other Church leaders to discuss family life a decade after Amoris Laetitia. Its discussions included how to make accompaniment effective and who should be prepared to provide it; a summary report was expected on the meeting’s final day. 4 2*
How do cultural change, family experience, and ecclesial credibility shape attitudes toward marriage?
Cultural change can make marriage seem less like a lasting, publicly recognized covenant and more like a private arrangement for personal fulfillment. Family experiences then shape whether commitment feels possible or risky, while the Church’s credibility affects whether its teaching is heard as a trustworthy witness or as a distant demand. These forces interact: attitudes toward marriage are formed not only by ideas, but by lived examples and by whether the Church accompanies people convincingly.
Cultural change. Pope Francis observes that marriage is often treated as a means of emotional satisfaction, adjustable to individual wishes, rather than a commitment whose value reaches beyond the couple’s changing feelings. The International Theological Commission similarly notes that a culture focused on self-fulfillment can make it harder to recognize marriage as exclusive, indissoluble, and ordered to the good of the spouses and children. But cultural influences are not only ideological: financial insecurity, unstable work, and social conditions can also make marriage seem difficult to undertake.
Family experience. People may hesitate to marry because they have witnessed painful marital breakdown, fear repeating it, or associate marriage with losing freedom. Others delay because of work, study, or economic uncertainty; still others see few practical or social reasons to marry rather than cohabit. The family is also where people learn how to live with others and where faith is ordinarily passed on, so family strain can weaken both confidence in lifelong commitment and the transmission of the Christian understanding of marriage.
Ecclesial credibility. In societies where Christian assumptions once broadly shaped marriage, people’s intentions could more readily be presumed to align with the Church’s understanding. As other views become widespread, the Church must take greater care pastorally and cannot assume that people mean the same thing by “marriage.” Credibility therefore depends not merely on stating the ideal, but on communicating it in language people can hear and offering persuasive witness to generous, faithful love. Amoris laetitia explicitly calls for the “right language, arguments and forms of witness” to invite young people toward marriage with courage.
Taken together, cultural narratives influence what marriage is thought to be; family histories influence whether it seems livable; and the Church’s witness influences whether its vision appears credible and attainable. A pastoral response must acknowledge real economic and relational obstacles without reducing marriage to them, while presenting it as a serious, life-giving commitment and accompanying people through the fears and wounds that can make such commitment difficult.